Madagascar Penguins: The Disastrous Christmas Meal

19/12/2015

It was morning in Kuala Lumpur and the Madagascar Penguins had arranged a Christmas buffet at the Shangri-La Hotel. They had boarded the 3.50am plane on Air Penguin, which was one of King Julien’s modified Lockheed Electras. It was airborne for about sixteen hours and had arrived at about 6am (KL time). As the plane was descending, the feeling of aching in their ears due the turbulence started to grow astute.

“Errrgh, I don’t like the jiggly wiggly feeling in my ears. Private, open aft stow hatch.” Skipper commanded. “Oh, and make sure it’s got the number D42251960322 on it. It has all our snacks and condiments,” he added. So, Private took a commando leap onto the handle. His flipper fumbled uneasily before it actually swung open. Rico had propped up a ladder under the door so that it wouldn’t swing in and squash Private to pulp.

“Carson’s Super Jelly Creamies, Zippitoon Citrus Squeeze Pulp Sweets, ah ha! Alfie’s Super Ear Care Turbulence Ache Balls: Pop One Kernel into Your Mouth and Gargle with Cold Water for 50 seconds,” Private mumbled, scanning the snack pack. He got four out, tossed them to his mates, and poured a large glass beaker of water down their gaping beats. The sounds of gargling ran through the cockpit. The colour of scarlet macaws, peacocks, pheasants and cockatoos, it emitted a putrid scent that wafted through the aircraft atmosphere. Eventually, the plane found its wheels at Kuala Lumpur International Airport. Skipper swiftly maneuvered in the left direction before turning onto the correct runway and landing with a jerk at the main terminal. After exiting, they went to the message board.

“The Concorde with Alex, Marty, Gloria and Melman from Heathrow is arriving at 8.30 am. Then, the Airbus A380 carrying Marlene, Phil, Mason, King Julien, Maurice and Mort is going to be delayed for two hours due to a minor airplane malfunction. It’s got to perform an emergency stop at Abu Dhabi International Airport, go to Dubai to get more fuel and continue the journey in another Airbus A380 to Kuala Lumpur. It’s possibly only arriving at 9.30am or so, but it wouldn’t arrive late as the plane departed at 12am and they don’t have to dump much fuel.” Skipper remarked.

“Have you booked any hotel for us to stay for two nights?” asked Kowalski. “Yeah, we need accommodation.” Private said. “I’ve booked a bed-and-breakfast at Putrajaya. It’s economical, and extremely well-equipped. It’s a kampong-style house on stilts that located on a farm. According to HHR 9.0.2, the new software for HHR, the renowned hotel, hostel and resort booking application, the architect has combined traditional Malay culture with high-tech objects to create a wonderful feeling resort. I built a special car, but it’s on the Airbus A340-300E Malaysia Transport Liner airplane. It’s transiting at Dubai to refuel,” Skipper comforted.

A few hours later, the car had arrived and everybody was at the terminal. Skipper honked the horns. Slowly, very slowly, the vehicle drove out of the terminal. It was actually a Mercedes S350 designed to look very trendy and luxurious, and was “too classic to be cliché”. It scored a lot of attention as it headed for the bed-and-breakfast.

“You know, Alex, I’m rather anxious to know where our accommodation is.” Gloria stated. “Perhaps it could be a hotel themed on all types of meat in the world, with succulent gravy-cooked steak every night for dinner,” Alex thought. “Crack-a-lackin’ly impossible. It must be a city-central convenience area, just one hundred and fifty yards away from any famous landmark and with department stores, train stations and office buildings here, there and everywhere,” Marty interrupted. “Or maybe it could be a medical-themed hotel, with treatments for my neck. I’d better get a vaccination- I think I have chicken pox. Or maybe measles. Or maybe rashes. Or maybe eczema. Or maybe allergies,” Melman said.

“You’ve had five vaccinations this year. I wish it could be a posh island paradise hotel where I can sip a glass of chilled something, frolic in the something sea, sunbathe on the something sand, and have somebody call me up to the something when some meal is ready,” Gloria remarked. “If that’s the case, I’ll ask Skipper for posh resorts around Kuala Lumpur,” Alex said. So, Alex went to the front and called on Skipper. “Excuse me, can you activate your map to search for posh resorts around Kuala Lumpur?” he asked. “It’s not economical. Besides, we have made reservations for everybody with 55% discount. Our treats,” Skipper replied.

As Alex trudged back to his seat, Marty asked for results. “What did Skipper say?” he asked. “Bad news, the penguins have already made reservations,” Alex, who was sulking, admitted. “Chin up, Alex. What if they had booked us somewhere good?” Gloria questioned, surprisingly still cheerful. Just then, the multimedia system sent a notification that they were approaching their destination. “We’re going to find out now,” Alex said.

As the animals entered their room, Alex, Marty, Melman and Gloria weren’t so high-spirited anymore. “Maybe you were…right,” Marty faltered. “This doesn’t live up to any of our expectations,” Gloria commented. Just then, the penguins had set up a tripod and an elaborate video camera. “Shall I press the recording button and let the shutter release?” Kowalski asked. “Go ahead! Let the lens jump into the world of Skipper Skips,” Skipper answered. So, Kowalski clicked the shutter button.

“Hello, and welcome to Skipper’s Hotel Feud! Today, we are in a bed-and-breakfast themed on the traditional Malay kampung. Let us tour the hotel room. On the right corner we find a four-poster bed with a white shawl draped over the top. Very chic! We have two more futons: one close to the four-poster bed and one adjacent to the other futon. Simple and easy communication guaranteed. Bookshelves line the walls, choking with excessive amounts of traditional Malay novels. Here I am, holding “Sang Kancil dan Buaya”. Ha ha! Very good, designers. We have the lavatory and tap hidden behind this shawl. It doesn’t look very sanitary and hygienic, but we’ll make efforts to clean up. Lastly, down these steps we have the shower cubicles, each with a water heater and dustbin. But cubicle 492 isn’t a shower room, it’s a workroom! It’s rather useful but probably the worst part here as you have to install a computer and desk on your own. The workroom in this hotel room isn’t very frequently used, assuming from the dust and the omnipresent mosquitoes. Now, Skipper’s Hotel Feud shall take a break,” Skipper said. And so, Kowalski clicked the STOP button and the shutter stopped recording. He went to detach the camera from the tripod, fold it up, pack it in, and take a leisurely nap in one of the futons. Alex, Marty, Melman and Gloria slept on the ground with everybody else except for King Julien, Maurice and Mort, who occupied all the space on the four-poster bed. 

Right now, we shall fast-forward to the day the vacationers went to the Shangri-La hotel to have their leisurely lunch, deemed as “High Tea” which Skipper made the booking. King Julien, Maurice and Mort had left earlier than everybody else, as they had their own vehicle which they called the “Lemurliner I”. It was like the car in the show “Minions” that was driven by the spy Gru, but it didn’t have rocket blasters sticking like satellite aerials from the top, so it wasn’t a speed vehicle. But it was going at about 34 km an hour, and King Julien was enjoying it thoroughly.

“Maurice, I am having a whale of a time! Full speed ahead!” he commanded, bouncing on the round bench he was sitting on. The bench was propped up against a bouquet of numerous flowers with streamers. “I’m trying, Your Majesty, but there has been bad rain this morning and I can’t see what’s on the mirror,” Maurice complained. “Try using the weather ultra-clear goggle-lenses. I bet on you by two thousand ringgit, it won’t disappoint,” King Julien suggested. So, Maurice unmeasured his hand from the steering wheel, and went to the glove compartment to get the goggles. Unfortunately, he didn’t take control of the steering wheel, so Mort had hopped on and did some really silly things. He rammed the monstrosity into two thousand, six hundred and twenty-four cars and the number was gaining by the minute. “Maurice, don’t you love going slap-bam into every single vehicle going in your way?” asked King Julien. “As a rule, no, and this event is particularly distressing with Mort hanging onto the steering wheel. I’m going to fetch a crowbar,” Maurice sighed, opening up the ceiling toolbox that was stowed away in the roof. Mort was contented to be left alone to ram into cars to his heart’s content.

A few minutes later, Maurice came back, swinging the crowbar to and fro. The crowbar that Maurice and King Julien made was actually called a “mortbar”, and was for grabbing Mort off the steering wheel. Maurice hooked the mini cherry plucker (or the cherry-berry plucker-mc’sucker, as King Julien loved to call it) onto Mort’s bushy tail. Then he tugged and accidentally tore the skin shaft off Mort’s tail. Thankfully, King Julien had applied two antiseptics (or antimortspectaclemaptics, as he loved to call it) onto Mort’s tail shaft. One was named Vinyl Antiseptic. It reads ‘To prevent shaft sickness, bushy bronchitis and tailpain on Mouse Lemur tails. Hold 1-3 centimetres away from tail and apply with ring finger. King Julien didn’t have the foggiest idea what ring finger was. But every time he applied the antiseptic, it did Mort a power of good. The next antiseptic was simply called Aerosol Mouse Lemur. It allowed the tail shaft to grow back after being pulled off a mouse lemur’s tail. The tail shaft started to grow back instantly, and in half an hour the procedure was complete.

Back at the bed-and-breakfast, everybody had left in the Mercedes to Kuala Lumpur. They were so cheerful that little did they know they were halfway there to Shangri-La Hotel. “I hope we get served raw sirloins served with a few bits of mutton shavings and venison,” Alex said. “I hope what we get served is hay cooked in the New Yorker style. Crack-a-lackin’ly delectable!” Marty added. “I hope all we get served is one hundred tablets to help me shake off the stupid neck pox,” Melman said. Marty and Alex shrugged. “All your ideas are too cliché. I’ll take the trendy route with moist grass served with lashings of watercress,” Gloria remarked, in a trendy way. “We’re going to find out,” Alex said.

At 11.30am, the Lemurliner had arrived at Shangri-La Hotel. There was first a short pause. Then a row of Italian leather seats, each with a steering wheel and controls provided on a table upfront with a footrest for King Julien, rolled out from a hatch that was just one door away from the trunk. It went into the lift and was ferried up to Level 1. When it arrived, King Julien, Maurice and Mort took some time to marvel the Christmas decoration at the hotel lobby. King Julien found a bunch of bouquets and just lay back to watch Maurice leap from the goliath fountain and Mort hop from level to level and revel around the Christmas tree. Just then, King Julien cocked an ear to the hotel atmosphere. The sense that the penguins and everybody else were approaching protruded his senses. He notified his mates. Then they got into their chairs and sped away to the Farmers Market. “Full speed ahead, Maurice!” ordered King Julien. “I’m trying, Your Majesty, but 59 miles an hour is about as fast as we can go!” complained Maurice. “We need more power. Time to get Mort to fire up the “nucuspeedolar” reactor,” King Julien ordered. “Is it something like a nuclear reactor that makes your car go on a speed faster than a lightning bolt?” Maurice asked. “Not as fast as a lightning bolt, but it does make your car go speedy. Bear with me, it takes about forty seconds to fire it up and get the punch and muscle in the fuselage,” King Julien answered. “What can I do to make the nucuspeedolar reactor ignite the spark at a quicker pace?” Maurice questioned. “Nothing you can do to make the reactor go faster, but I suppose you could speed it up. Also, try to calibrate the movement of the Livestock Net,” King Julien replied.

Meanwhile, the penguins and everybody else had arrived. “You know what, Kowalski, I think we should detour and break in through the roof,” Skipper suggested. “Funnily enough, Skipper, I’d knew you’d suggest that. So I sketched a blueprint to help us. I call it: “The Consequences and Methods Of Various Penguiner Commando Philosophies Of Breaking Through Concrete Surfaces And Roofs,” Kowalski announced. “Lovely title. Scroll them out,” Skipper ordered. “Alright. Rule one: chimney trouble. In tropical nations, chimneys are as rare as hen’s teeth. So, we construct our own chimney. Rule Two: the gap. Gaps are critical when breaking in through a roof. Rule Three: leanness and meanness. You don’t necessarily need to be mean when breaking through a chimney, but leanness is critical. So, in that case, I shall break in first. All animals that aren’t lean, please take the elevator. And haul us up if we get stuck, though I think consequences of getting stuck are rare as we’re building a wide-hole chimney,” Kowalski instructed. “Do you have bricks?” Skipper asked. “I have a thousand of them. I stole them from Julien’s Lemurliner I,” Kowalski answered. “Alright, we shall take the elevator in pairs. Alex and Marty, Gloria and Melman. Melman, make sure you crouch down when entering to prevent smashing the wires. And Gloria, if you get stuck, it is Melman’s responsibility to hold the lift door open and get you into the lift,” Skipper commanded. “Agreed, captain!” saluted Gloria and Melman.

Ten minutes later, there was an unknown sound of screaming in the chimney. Then, Kowalski, who was the slimmest of penguins, dropped out of the chimney like a twig dropping down a dead tree. Next came Rico. Then Skipper, Private, Phil, Mason, Marlene, Mort, King Julien. And the last animal down the chute was King Julien’s trustworthy aye-aye Maurice. The animals found themselves tangled about awkwardly. They slowly rose like a flower blossoming in early spring to their feet. When all the elevators carrying Alex, Melman, Marty and Gloria arrived, they got to the restaurant, except King Julien, who was waiting for the porter to send his vehicle in. Finally, the transporter yanked King Julien inside. Maurice drove him and Mort to the restaurant. At the reception area, King Julien beckoned to the lady in a feminine manner. “Bonjour! I shall pledge my friendship to introduce that I am, King Julien VII of Madagascar. My sole ruling area is Lemur Beach, off the coast of Antanarivo. Shall I just come in and enjoy a hearty lunch?” asked King Julien. “Uh, what is your table number?” asked the lady, looking sternly. “Thirty-fourteen, sixteen, and three-eleven,” King Julien answered. “Uh, OK, enjoy your lunch,” the lady answered. So, King Julien went for a cruise-around the restaurant area. Just then, the penguins came to his chair.

“King Julien, try to improve your modesty.” Skipper told him. “Modesty? Well, I am the king, and for generations and generations, no king in any dynasty, era or Madagascar empire has ever been modest. I am one of the kings of the Lolo dynasty, who are one of the most arrogant dynasties. So, I inhibit modesty, and have rights to tell people anything about my personal life,” King Julien protested. “If you truly inhibit modesty, I shall press this button,” Skipper warned.

“Wait, no! That’s the nucuspeedolar reactor button!” King Julien shrieked, in horror. But it was too late. The elite commando force leader had hit flipper on the button. The vehicle’s back opened up, and a large airplane engine developed, hanging on a curved wire. Then, it opened up, and about five or six smaller ones came up. Then, a large Roman Candle appeared, with a grenade on the wick. A countdown was displayed before the fuse exploded. When it did, the two-way ignition zither malfunctioned temporarily, and the vehicle was zooming off at top speed. The flames were blazing yellow, and Skipper referred this new colour as “Roast Human”.

“Do the effects wear off?” hollered Kowalski. “Yes they dooooooo!” shrieked King Julien. His vehicle flew off into the koi fish pond as if the exhaust had been catapulted by a red-hot poker clogged in its system. It smashed the doors and splashed into the koi pond. King Julien was starting to rant curses at the flourishing Skipper. “Now that we’ve finished Operation: Julienboot, who wants to have some seafood?” asked Skipper. All the penguins raised up their flippers. “Help yourself!” cheered Skipper. So, the penguins grabbed plates and started loading them up with oysters, crayfish, octopus and sushi.

Meanwhile, in King Julien’s chair vehicle, the fuselage was half full with water and King Julien was up to his neck in water. He was bobbing up and down like a cork helplessly. “Maurice! Get me some packed lunch!” he ranted, at the top of his lungs. “I’m sorry, the lunch barrels are right underneath the pond. I detest going underwater, and I am seriously not going to retrieve it for you,” Maurice answered, clinging on like dead grief to a chair headrest. “Oh, fine! Since the fuselage is half full, I shall dive down and unclog it. Get me the manual!” King Julien ordered. “The manual is underwater,” Maurice hollered. “Then I shall just dive down, get the manual, unclog the fuselage and have lunch. Maurice, you talk Mort through the whole process,” King Julien remarked. “Agreed, Your Majesty.” Maurice saluted.

In the main restaurant building, Alex had got a quarter of a roast turkey with almond stuffing. Gloria took a large plate of basil vinaigrette salad, Melman had tried some Indian curry masala and Marty had consumed some satay. “I’m on a strict diet,” Gloria stated, crunching on some red cabbage in her basil vinaigrette salad. “I’ve decided to break out and eat the crack-a-lackin extremes!” exclaimed Marty. “Wonder how King Julien’s doing outside. Also wonder what the penguins are doing,” Alex said.

Meanwhile, the penguins were using Skipper’s crazy Seafooder to separate oyster meat from the shell using its multi-ladle, crack crayfish shell using its robust hammer, chop octopus using its quick-cut knife and unravel seaweed from sushi using its “unraveller”. “Meals couldn’t be much better, huh?” Skipper asked. “Is this gizmo a perpetual machine?” asked Kowalski. “Most likely, I’ll say it runs for about 23 and a half hours before it needs to be charged, so no, it is not a perpetual motion machine,” Skipper answered.

At the koi pond, King Julien had dived down to unclog the fuselage. When he had found it, he opened the main shell. A gush of water spewed out from the microscopic hole. “I found the main water source!” he cheered. “Where was it? The water’s draining!” Maurice exclaimed. “In the main shell. It opened when we crashed in the pond and sucked in this mini tempest of water,” King Julien answered. And he was right. The chairs, within only fifteen to twenty seconds, had drained two feet down. The koi pond was surprisingly deep because of the constant monsoons. Just then, a downpour came into full swing. “Uh oh. Check if the main shell has opened,” Maurice ordered. “I’m sure I closed and latched the main shell opening, but both the propellers are short circuit and the main power chair line is destroyed. I’ll have to reconnect to a new power source and repair the propellers,” King Julien said. Then, he stared at the downpour droplets. “Which will take a while,” he added, before diving back in again.

Back inside, the penguins and Marlene had finished eating. They went to tidy up before heading out to the garden where the koi pond was located. There, just right in the middle, was the stranded bundle of chairs. “Where is King Julien?” asked Marlene. “He’s committing suicide!” blurted Mort. “Shut up, Mort, he is not committing suicide. He dived down to repair the propellers and change the main power source,” Maurice snapped. But just as he had said it, there was a catastrophe. An explosion occurred in the power source. The multimedia screen went into a blackout, and wires and all sorts of debris. Then, the vehicle started to sink. King Julien soon went onto safe ground again. He was, fortunately, not badly injured but his fur was scarred and had turned rough. As rough as sandpaper, in fact. The chair was sinking deeply. King Julien decided to just stand on the seat and let the water turn his feathers as soft as silk. “OK, now he really is committing suicide,” Mort remarked. “And now I concur with you, Mort,” Maurice stated. “I’m using traditional water therapy to un-scar my fur. It is going to change to a lovely velvet hue and turn as soft as a Shih-Tzu’s fur if I just soak myself for longer!” King Julien stated.

Meanwhile, the penguins were inside the building. “Oh no, I think we had better set up a rescue mission,” said Skipper. “OK. I suggest let’s commit our lives to rescuing the King of Madagascar Lemurs!” Alex suggested. “I’ve got rope, armbands, a first aid kit, a mobile phone, food and water, and a handyman’s kit. Perfecto!” Kowalski remarked. “OK, let’s set off!” Skipper commanded.

At the garden, Skipper called Kowalski for rope. He unravelled it and, with armbands on (being a semi-pro swimmer, he didn’t need armbands but Kowalski still insisted him to wear them), he attached it to the tow hole. Then, he ordered everybody else to tug on the rope. With everybody tugging each other, it seemed like the scene in The Old Man and The Turnip where everybody was pulling and shoving to yank the giant turnip out of its roots. Skipper didn’t come up to land to guide them, he stayed underwater. But the water was highly transparent, so Skipper’s reflection illuminated through the crystal clear liquid. Finally, the vehicle was yanked inside with King Julien as well. When it was on dry land, Skipper asked Maurice some questions. “Is the vehicle still OK?” he questioned. “I’m afraid not, it’s become totally useless since the power line exploded. You’ll have to get some sort of vehicle, jump-start the chairs and pull us back,” Maurice sighed.

“Hakuna matata, Maurice, because my rescue kit can turn into a fully-functional tow truck!” Kowalski exclaimed. “No way!” Maurice cried, with excitement. A few minutes later, Kowalski had turned the kit into a vehicle. He pulled all the kit up, just in case he needed it later. Cautiously, very cautiously, he cruised the chairs out of the garden and into the car park where the Lemurliner I waited. He closed up the kit compartment and reversed the vehicle into the Lemurliner I. Then, he transformed the kit back into its normal size, and got into the Mercedes. The Lemurliner I cruised slowly away.

The next morning, on the 7.30 am Lockheed Electra back to the John F. Kennedy International Airport, the penguins were talking about the hectic experience the day before. “Whew, I’m so stressed out,” Private remarked. “Nevertheless, I think this is still a memorable experience,” Skipper stated, reclining back in his comfy seat.

The end.   

Written by Koh Chee Yuan

The Old Folks

(A poem written in December 2015)

The old folks struggled through the desert thirstily,
Gasping for the emerald blue water of an oasis dreamily,
They saw an emerald blue, scampering to the location ecstatically,
And siphoned off every single bit of water pleasurably.

The old folks struggled through the Amazon unhappily,
They were swatting every insect desperately,
Then one shouted, “I’ve got it” excitedly,
Hitting all of them powerfully to store in one big bowl.

The old folks struggled through the island, being stranded sadly,
They were muttering about hunger and thirst glumly,
Then one caught a net-full of fish successfully,
And all three enjoyed their supper joyfully.

Written by:
Koh Chee Yuan

My Marvellous Vacation in London

 18 to 25 October 2015

 
On the 18th of October at ten in the evening, we were driven to KLIA. We took a short break at Old Town as our flight was at 2.55am. We were on an Airbus A330 that was part of the fleet of Etihad Airways, the airline of the United Arab Emirates. After arrival in Abu Dhabi International Airport, we took their so-called Cobus (an ecobus) to the terminal as the airport was colossal. It took us a fairly long time to get to the terminal. From there, we caught a connecting flight to Heathrow Airport (Terminal 4) and a black cab to the Grand Plaza Serviced Apartment, located in a peaceful array of townhouses not far from Bayswater high-street.
 
The next morning, we caught a Tube from Bayswater to Notting Hill Gate, using the Circle line. From Notting Hill Gate, we caught another train to Holborn, where yet another tube could have been taken to Covent Garden if the Piccadilly line wasn’t partly closed.

As a result, we had to walk a long way to Covent Garden where we met our friendly guide Angus Templeton, as we were going on a walking tour. We covered the Big Ben (nicknamed by an overweight man with the name Benjamin who stood by the clock) and Trafalgar Square (which I thought of as a concourse of street vendors and where urban pigeons found their staple source of food from the many crumbs and particles of snacks).

Next came the majestic Buckingham Palace, which was made humongous because of Queen Victoria who found the palace disapproving and not meeting up to her standards and therefore making plans for a private wing).

We also passed by Nelson’s Column (honouring the courageous Horatio Nelson who fought many battles on his ship life) and Westminster Abbey. I once read that Isaac Newton was buried there. We also covered information about King Henry and his six wives (with three named Katherine) and the plot of Guy Fawkes, who plotted to use gunpowder to blow up the Houses of Parliament but was caught red-handed and hanged. As a result, the 5th of November was Guy Fawkes Day, where a special poem was recited.

I also learnt that when Horatio Nelson died, he was preserved in a barrel of brandy, which was siphoned off by his crew when they were near to his burial place. At the end of the walking tour, everyone thanked Angus, our knowledgeable guide. My dad took me to St. James’s Park for a light lunch. St James’s Park is a beautiful park full of ducks, geese, pelicans, pigeons and squirrels. Sometimes the ducks get loose and you can feed them. I love watching them. The autumn weather made it very pleasant to walk in the park, with the leaves turning red, yellow and gold. After a long day of walking, our legs were exhausted.

On Tuesday, we took the tube to Holborn again for our visit to the British Museum. First we explored the Ancient Egyptian gallery. I had a glimpse of two statues of an Egyptian pharaoh, one of them having a broken false beard. I had also seen a cuboid stone with inscriptions of hieroglyphics (ancient Egyptian language) on them. Further down the room was a mummified king (of the vast field of Egyptian kings, I could not remember the name).

After that, we saw the Rosetta Stone, the key to deciphering hieroglyphics. Scientists had assumed that hieroglyphics were pictures to express ideas and could not be translated into word form. Next, we moved on to the African gallery. The gallery was separated into two sides, one for only woodwork and the other for everything else.

At the Entrance to British Museum

On the woodwork corner there was a huge gallery with things like spears, chisels, flint stones, knives, etc. There was also a wood-constructed figure of the baobab tree, known as the “Tree Of Life”. A wooden deckchair made by a Mozambican artist had the motto “the strongest thing you can do is pick up a book, not a gun”. Then I spotted a gorgeous terracotta jar (with bumps on the side) that was surprisingly shining.

“Tree Of Life”

Close to the Egyptian gallery was the Assyrian gallery. There were two tall stones looking almost like the Rosetta Stone because they had pictures on them. We also saw two Assyrian lion hunts, known to keep palaces guarded.  I was deceived by a “wooden bench” sitting in a corner of a room, not realising that it was a tomb. The Medieval European gallery was full of artefacts, mostly consisting of ancient stained glass paintings. In one area was a box of ancient gold coins that were glittering in the light. By about 4.00pm we were quite worn-out, so we decided to call it a day.
 
On the third day, we took the Tube from Bayswater station to South Kensington. Just a stone’s throw away from the station is the Science Museum. Firstly, we explored an array of early day complicated machines and the dreadful coal mine labour during the Industrial Revolution. Everybody worked in the mine - men, women, boys, girls, even the elderly.

Next we went to the “Exploring Space” gallery. We saw a tiny but life-changing probe manufactured in Japan. It could whiz above the universe and snap high resolution photos of the Earth and the Moon. A replica was placed in a stored case.

Then I had a whale of a time constructing a successful lander. Surprisingly, when the parachute (virtual one) was released, it came down safely without crashing (phew!). After that, I had a look at the life of probably the greatest cosmonaut (Russian term for astronaut), Yuri Gagarin, who was born in a remote village in Russia. A shining, huge, replica of the Apollo 10 Command Module was spotted in a corner. Also quite near to that was some objects from space life, from space suit to space diaper (I have taken a photo) and a typical space meal (unappetising to me). Then we went to the “Making the Modern World” gallery, where early objects that revolutionised the century of electrics and other iconic technology shaped the way to our present times, bringing us back to the 1750s.

I remembered seeing a camera invented by an inventor by the name of John Fox Talbot. His camera looked almost nothing like a real one; it was just a cube of wood with a hole for a lens in the middle. I was very curious to find out where the shutter is, or else the “camera” would have been just a cube of wood with a hole in the middle.

 

Another part of the “Making the Modern World” gallery was about more technological and advanced inventions, particularly in transportation. As expected, the Tin Lizzie (Ford Model T) was there, and an intriguing vehicle that was partly boat and partly car. Behind those two iconic inventions were two cars that were totally different from today’s vehicles on the road - the BMW Isetta (also known as a bubble car) and the Messerschmitt KR200 (a three-wheeled bubble car). A friendly elderly man told me that he once owned a Messerschmitt and had to open the roof compartment to get into the vehicle. How interesting! Other vehicles on display were a Hino Contessa (a car by the Japanese company Hino which I thought only made trucks), a Fiat 500 {not the sporty Abarth 500), a cute renowned classic Mini Cooper and a Citroen 2CV.

A more revolutionised part of the “Making the Modern World” gallery was about technology. The Apple II, the favourite computer of the early days when Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak (known as “Woz”), were embarking on their computer company which turned into a technology empire that spread across the globe. The company now produces smart phones, tablets and even watches. The monitor and the keyboard were purchased as separate parts, so once a buyer got home he had to assemble the parts together. After marvelling at Apple, another machine caught my attention. It was the hideous euthanasia machine, which three terminally-ill students used it to end their lives. After answering some questions on the machine, a doctor injected venomous drugs into their bodies, killing them in an instant second. That sounded dreadful!
 
Later, we got lost when we went to the “Engineer Your Future” gallery. We were trying to locate the picnic area but got stuck in the flight gallery where early civilian and military planes were displayed. I could remember seeing a modern-looking business plane, an aircraft with a tiny propeller made by Messerschmitt, the iconic Wright Brothers’ plane built by Orville and Wilbur Wright and the not so iconic French “Antoinette” plane. I recall seeing the Supermarine Spitfire (a British single-seat fighter aircraft) too. Some powerful plane engines were on display as well. A fantastic place to learn about aircrafts!
 
After a light lunch, I had bucket-loads of fun at a hands-on science-themed gallery. One very intriguing part was when I dragged a magnetic roll on a string and with an ink pad at the bottom up to the top of a cylindrical tube of water and let go. Surprisingly, the ink created a dark black blotch when it sailed down in a graceful fashion down to the deepest area. I joined some students who were trying out every gadgets and experiments in the gallery. Then, we headed to the “Atmosphere” gallery. A stunning 21st century sculpture called “Don’t Touch This” (because of its amazing electric effects) was standing right in the middle of the gallery. It was modelled on electric eels (the artist of the sculpture was very interested at the electric effects of electric eels whenever he went to an aquarium). The sculpture gave an electric noise and a pricking shock when it was touched. I played a game called “Energy Ninjas”, built to help children learn about the growing amount of carbon dioxide and how human could help reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere to reduce global warming.
 
The last gallery before leaving the museum was the “Information Age” gallery. I was messages on Morse Code probably sent by Guglielmo Marconi and when the Titanic sank on its maiden voyage across the Atlantic Ocean on a screen. Braille readings were available everywhere in the gallery for the visually impaired (suffice to say that I tried reading the Braille to see how visually impaired people could read it). There was also a bunch of inventions from Marconi (known for his radio telegraph system) and Lee de Forest (wireless telegraphy also).

The following morning we made our way to the Natural History Museum. The building, designed by famous architect Alfred Waterhouse, is classically majestic and breathtaking from the outside.

We arrived there just before 10.00am, but there were already people queuing to enter the museum. Upon entering we went to the Red Zone, which was about geology and showed specimens of fossils, minerals, rocks and gemstones. A giant metallic globe, looking like hot molten rock (lava) from the earth’s inner fragments, greeted us. There were several volcanic rocks standing on labelled pedestals.

I was awestruck by the most gorgeous volcanic rocks, the Gneiss that retained a mosaic-like flowing pattern around its structure. Further down the hall was a hands-on screen for different types of volcano. I tried experimenting with the viscosity and gas amount of the volcanoes and eventually ended up discovering for myself the four different types of volcano - cinder cone, plug dome, shield, and strato.

At one part, there was a fascinating egg-shaped, smooth rock (probably came from Canada).

Another interesting display was a collection of flamingo feathers belonging to some flamingo living in an African river, probably in Uganda. It showed that the prawns and crustaceans consumed by the flamingos had turned them into plumage pink. I also learnt that a type of goose called the Ne-Ne that inhabited Hawaii had “magic feet” to protect them from the numerous number of earthquake occurrences in Hawaii, which was a volcanic island. When we were moving to another gallery, we accidentally stumbled on an earthquake simulator recording the scene of shops being dilapidated by the earthquake in Kobe, Japan. Within minutes the lights were dimmed, a sudden jolt was felt and the simulator started wriggling to its climax. A small TV screen was installed to allow visitors to have a look on what happened during the real earthquake.
 
After the Red Zone was the orange zone, namely “Darwin Centre”, honouring the renowned biologist Charles Darwin that was probably in competition with the not-so-famous naturalist Alfred Russell Wallace.  First, I visited the “Cocoon”, expecting to see collections of live insect specimens. But it turned out to be a hands-on gallery about insect cells. Through an interactive screen, I learnt about Darwin and Wallace and the three main groups of butterfly - Hedyloidea, Hesperioidea, and Papilionoidea. Another interactive screen told me about how we could prevent the spreading of mosquitoes and the identification of genes and parasites in creatures that had altered their behaviour.       

Next was the Green Zone. On entering, our eyes were greeted with a mysterious prehistoric specimen, thought to be one of the giant sloth. One veritable part was fossil collections by Mary Anning, the “Fossil Woman”. She went exploring to find dinosaur fossils with her brother Joseph Anning, and eventually ended up having a short battle with cancer and leaving behind her collections, now being displayed in many museums.

Another part of the Green Zone was an insectarium. The most interesting part was “Creepy Crawlie House No.67”. Inside, it showcased the many insects that treated a human’s abode as a luxurious hotel, even for the poorest on the spreading-wide Earth, from the common housefly to the rare wasps who started off with just one queen and her “husband” and transformed into a nest buzzing to the brim with young wasps and the wood-infesting woodlice. 

The last zone I visited was the Blue Zone, where collections of animal specimens were housed. Once we had stepped into the Blue Zone, fake and probably stuffed models of a hyrax, giraffe, zebra and lion greeted us. Unfortunately, the famous blue whale had been disassembled, so we were only able to see small fragments of the giant creature. I watched a documentary about dugongs (also known as sea cows).

After that I moved to a dimmed lounge with a small screen, which showed a video about how dugongs spend their daily life cruising about in the ocean, grazing on sea grass and low-growing vegetation in the ocean like cows would do. I also learnt about how whale hunting evolved. It all started with the meaty blue whale, but eventually the population began to become so scarce that whale hunters had no choice but to hunt smaller whales. Because of that practice, each whale’s population would become so scarce that soon whale hunters will hunt the smallest whales. Since 1966, many countries started to ban whale hunting. However, later into the 20th century or possibly in the early 21st century, some countries commenced whale hunting again. They had decided that some native tribes living near oceans and seas could proceed, and scientists could kill them for scientific purposes. Some countries, including Iceland and Japan, wanted to commence whale hunting. One fascinating part of the Blue Zone was learning about the sounds dolphins make. Dolphins have almost tens thousands of different squeaks, whirrs, grunts, chits, cheeps, whistles and they are mainly for communication.

Last but not least, there was a screen displaying the population of endangered animals. There are a few categories - extinct, extinct in the wild, endangered and vulnerable. The Malayan Tapir, Yangtze River dolphin and Sumatran tiger were critically endangered. One animal called the quagga (a zebra that lived in South Africa) was already extinct.

Tower of London

On Friday, we took the tube from Bayswater to Tower Hill Station, which was probably the furthest I had travelled on the London Tube. Just a stone’s throw away from the station was the Tower of London (a historic castle). The tower, located on the north bank of the River Thames, was majestic and there was a sidewalk underneath for people to explore. The tower was founded towards the end of 1066 as part of the Norman Conquest of England. Up on the decks where the ancient soldiers attacked upcoming enemies, there were cannons, bows and arrows.

Another part of the Tower of London was used as a prison before (Elizabeth I was there before she became queen). People who were greatly disapproved by the queen were sent to the Tower and immediately beheaded.

If we had joined the Yeoman Warder tours, we would have seen the graffiti scratched on the walls by prisoners 500 years ago. It was believed by King Charles II that if the ravens (a black bird) left the Tower, the fortress and the kingdom would fall. So, at least six ravens are kept at the Tower at all times. Just in case the myth was true, the tower’s Yeomen Warders kept a close eye on the ravens, which were a popular tourist attraction. 
 
The next destination was the Tower Bridge (often mistaken for London Bridge, may be because of the song “London Bridge is Falling Down”). The bridge is already over 100 years old. We strolled down the pavement, up a flight of stairs and onto the majestic bridge and walked across the River Thames. I could see vehicles passing by. The bascules of the bridge will be raised to allow a vessel to pass through. While on the bridge, I caught sight of the HMS Belfast (originally a Royal Navy light cruiser which is turned into a museum ship). I also saw one flat stone that was possibly to commemorate the many citizens who contributed to the construction of the Bridge.

Tower Bridge

Tower Bridge

After touring the famous tower and bridge, we went to the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. I was not disappointed, the building was magnificent (could not believe that it was built more than a century ago).

The gallery housed the many paintings of renowned artists, from the 13th to the early 20th century (categorised into Early Renaissance, High Renaissance, Baroque, Impressionism and Post-Impressionism). First we went to Early Renaissance gallery (13th-15th century), which displayed paintings by Bellini, Botticelli, Leonardo, Mantegna, Raphael and Van Eyck. Some of the renowned paintings were Virgin of the Rocks by Leonardo da Vinci, Aldobrandini Madonna by Raphael and The Arnolfini Portrait by Jan van Eyck.

But the painting that was the bee’s knees was Botticelli’s “Venus and Mars”. Believe it or not, I had to undergo a tedious wait to take a picture of the painting as there was a huge crowd with the same intention in mind.

Next was the gallery for 16th Century paintings, which were from renowned artists like Michelangelo, Titian, Bronzino, Bruegel and Gossaert. “The Adoration of the Kings” painted by Jan Gossaert was on the Top 30 Paintings in the gallery.

Bacchus and Ariadne by Titian

“Venus and Mars” by Botticelli

I also saw “Bacchus and Ariadne” by Titian, which was considered one of Titian's greatest works. I noticed that artists loved to paint venus, cupid and figures related to Christianity.

I have also learnt that some paintings in the two galleries were painted with egg tempera (a fast-drying painting material). Egg tempera was more common in the first gallery before oil paint was invented and Leonardo da Vinci was probably the artist who invented egg tempera.
 
We moved on to the 17th century Baroque gallery, housing paintings by artists like Caravaggio, Claude, Rembrandt, Rubens, Van Dyck and Vermeer. I saw Caravaggio’s famous painting “The Supper at Emmaus”. The painting “Lady Standing at a Virginal” painted by Johannes Vermeer was placed in a dimly lit room which I thought to be dedicated for Dutch painters. Rembrandt’s (also Dutch) “Self-Portrait at the Age of 34” was a hit. Rembrandt had worn early diplomat outfits to make him look like a renowned artist. I can’t remember seeing the work of Claude and Van Dyck (never mind, they were not so famous).
 
Lastly, there was the Impressionism and Post-Impressionism gallery for artists like Canaletto, Cezanne, Degas, Goya, Ingres, Monet, Seurat, Turner and Van Gogh. This is the gallery I liked most because I had seen some of the paintings in books and on the internet.

Bathers at Asnières by Georges Seurat

“Bathers at Asnières” an oil painting by the French artist Georges Seurat was the bee’s knees. Seurat liked to use rather abstract style and he had a habit of not painting facial features on humans in his paintings, making them look rather modern for his time.

Sunflower by Vincent van Gogh

Vincent van Gogh’s “Sunflowers” was probably the most popular in this gallery. “The Water-Lily Pond” and “The Bathers” by two French artists Monet and Cezanne were also displayed here. I also saw paintings by renowned English artist J. M. W. Turner.

My last day of sight-seeing in London was Saturday. Early morning we took the Tube from Bayswater to Blackfriars, where we visited the St. Paul’s Cathedral (not to be confused with the St. Paul’s Church).

St. Paul’s Cathedral

We snapped a few pictures of this spectacular Baroque style building with a majestic dome. We only took a quick glimpse of the interior of the cathedral, with shimmering candles and medieval mosaics on the top corners of the walls.
 
Another side of the cathedral had a narrow passage that led to the concealed restaurant, English teatime sets were available. Just a stone’s throw away from the cathedral was the Millennium Bridge, constructed in 1998 and opened in June 2000. It was built with steel and stretched all the way to the Tate Modern. It was nicknamed “Wobbly Bridge” as pedestrians felt the bridge swaying, leading to restoration and reopening in 2002.

Millennium Bridge

Just across the Millennium Bridge was the Tate Modern, which was once the Bankside Power Station. If anybody was wondering what is Tate Modern, the answer is another art gallery but this time, a gallery of “modern” paintings (from 1900 to present).

Lee Bul

A new Tate Modern (an extension) is under construction and planned to be opened on the 17th of June 2016. Something very abstract greeted us upon entering the gallery. It was a row of overlapping pots (with plants growing in them). What caught my eyes was a sculpture that looked like a group of hanging bull horns preserved in white dye, made by Korean artist by the name of “Lee Bul”.

I quite liked most of the paintings, but the best was probably Andy Warhol’s painting of famous celebrity Marilyn Monroe. The painting is known as “Marilyn Diptych”, one of the artist's most famous works. Each row ranged from a lively, colour-bursting portrait to an old-fashioned, 1940s style of black-and-white portrait. I also saw a painting and a sculpture by Pablo Picasso as well as a painting by the famous Russian painter, Wassily Kandinsky. There was an abstract painting of just completely white paint that I could neither understand nor appreciate.

“Marilyn Diptych”

Abstract Painting by Wassily Kandinsky

After leaving Tate Modern, we took a stroll on the riverbank and were greeted by a street performer. I could not believe my eyes, because he was “hanging” in the air with only one hand on a poll. Then we passed by the Shakespeare's Globe, a well-known theatre that stage plays from May to October. We walked towards the Borough Market, one of the oldest food markets in London. Arcades of food stalls filled the market and would probably take a food critic six to eight hours to try everything.

Street Performer

Squeezing through the crowds, I first tried a piece of fudge (too sweet!) and a large white chocolate cookie. My lunch was a delectable hot dog filled with German Bratwurst and sauerkraut (fermented cabbage). After lunch, we joined the crowds wandering from one stall to another.

Truffles Store

A stall with the words “Smell Me” caught my eyes. It was a stall selling truffles. I smelt a few different types of truffle and tried some bread with black truffle oil. Wonder why people pay some much of money for this edible fungus. I loved the stall that sold different types of olives.

The last place I visited in London was the Victoria and Albert Museum, considered as the world's largest museum of decorative arts. The museum founded in 1852, was named after Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Upon entering the museum was the Sculpture Galleries, filled with sculptures from England, Italy, France, Spain, Germany and Asia.

“Neptune and Triton” by Bernini

I read that the museum has one of the best collection of sculptures from around the world, like “Neptune and Triton” by Italian artist Bernini and “The Three Graces” by Canova.  This museum has a massive collection of ceramics, glass, Asian art and design, furniture, textiles, jewellery, silver, ironwork, and many more. I first visited the galleries that housed beautiful jewellery, followed by galleries on glass collections and metalwork. 

Another part of the museum was a gallery on architecture with displays using models and photographs. Lots of worldwide landmarks from France and Britain to the Middle East to Japan and China and Africa were housed in glass boxes. There was so much to snap there. The museum also has a section on Asian objects, which include South East Asia, China, and the Islamic world. It seemed that the Persian Empire, the rest of the Middle East and China had much to contribute.

Replica of Tragjan's "Column" and Michelangelo's "David"

An interesting part of the museum is the Cast Courts that housed a full-scale replica of Trajan's “Column” (actual one in Rome) and a replica of Michelangelo's “David”. Apart from all the wonders of this museum, hands-on music and videos were available. I learnt how people made delicate snuff boxes and listened to some medieval music with English translations.

V&A Rotunda Chandelier by Dale Chihuly

I also saw a bunch of cool stuff, including a twelve feet glass sculpture by Dale Chihuly, known as the V&A Rotunda Chandelier, hanging over the reception area. After spending close to three hours at the museum, we were exhausted and decided to end our sightseeing.

On the 25th of October, we departed from Heathrow International Airport with a heavy heart. Our flight to Abu Dhabi International Airport was 7 hours and from there we took a connecting flight back home. England is such an intriguing country; I vow to come back again to explore other parts of the country.

Written by,
Koh Chee Yuan